This verse metaphorically speaks of man edifying, exhorting and uplifting his/her friends. It is comparative to iron because without iron being sharpened, it is dull, lacking luster and shine. Although it is still a knife, it is less effective and not very useful. Likewise as humans, without exhortation and encouragement from our peers, we become disengaged and less powerful for the Kingdom of God. When Christians are truly engaged in each other’s lives, there is a mutual edification that both strengthens and empowers the two to be fruitful and motivated in fulfilling the plans and purposes of God in their lives. “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification,” Romans 14:19.

We have used this verse throughout our blog and it is definitely worth mentioning again. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 states, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” The threefold chord represents two people in a relationship who are in submission to God.

According to gotquestions.org, regarding iron sharpening iron, “The meeting of two people together in the Lord’s name will always guarantee blessing. It is a means of grace that the Lord Himself promised- “where two or more are gathered in His name, there He is among them, “Matthew 18:20.”” When we can come together and sharpen each other, despite differences, the Lord lends an ear from heaven in sweet pleasure. The author goes on to say that the fragrance of divine unity are best sensed in the relationship of Jonathan and David. As David was being pursued by Saul, Jonathan sought to help David find strength in God, 1 Samuel 23:16. The Apostle Paul also shares that we are to carry one another’s burdens and advise on how to best repent and rejoice in victory over it. James 2:8 mentions that we are exhorted to love one another.

From the beginning of the Bible to the end of the Bible, it speaks of relationship; Relationship between God and us and us with others. As we have said in previous blogs, God is a relational God. We are to portray that love and example Jesus shares with us to each other here on earth. Iron sharpening iron requires two people. One can stir himself up in the Spirit, but one simply cannot sharpen himself alone. That is why you must challenge one another to acquire the things of God you may be lacking and to exhort someone else and strengthen their spirit. Now as my sister and I learned, sharpening someone else is not always fun. We can definitely rub each other the wrong way, as they say, but is it really the wrong way or is it just uncomfortable because we recognize our own sin now? When we think of sharpening someone else, we tend to believe that we are just edifying, uplifting and encouraging them, loving on them and they just become these saints. That’s what that scripture always meant to me. In fact, until now my sister and I didn’t even realize how powerful that verse was. It’s one I think most of us read, get a happy feeling about and move on. But, oh God wants us to meditate on that and get so much more. It speaks of commitment through and through! If someone is to sharpen you and call out your sin (in love, of course), shouldn’t you be in relationship with them and trust them to point out the sin you cannot see in yourself? It speaks of covenant. I know for my sister and I, we have cultivated, nurtured and worked hard for the friendship we have. It is completely trusting and free. I know whatever my sister calls out in me, even the hard ugly stuff, is because she loves me and I trust her to do that. And if one of us is off or in sin, we are both ineffective in what we are called to do. This is where you cannot just rub yourself against anyone or multiple people. It’s meant for the one(s) you allow in your holy of holies only, which for my sister and I is just each other and our husbands.

Two people coming together in any relationship will both bring some sort of baggage, their own set of ways that are contrary to the other, past hurts, whatever it may be. Where relationships often go south is when we are unwilling to change our ways for the other. My relationship with my sister is far more important than the standards I set myself to live by. If I set certain rules for myself and yet they repel relationship, what good is it for me to be alone? My sister and I committed to sacrificing for each other and sometimes changing the ways one of us does something to be compatible for the other, to bring unity in our bond and it’s something we both learned to love to do and we see the benefits we reap.

I, for one carried a lot of insecurities, fears and anxieties into our friendship. They were very unhealthy. These fears and insecurities stemmed back from childhood and progressed throughout my adult life. They broke many friendships and relationships in my life and most people just walked out because they couldn’t handle it. But when God brought my sister to me, everything changed. I learned what sharpening meant! I didn’t like it at first, but I quickly saw how committed she was to our covenant and to me. Instead of throwing my insecurities in my face, she got down in the trenches with me to fight them, to literally call each one out, face them and kill them! This didn’t happen overnight, and honestly, we are still fighting some. But she has held my hand through every one of them, no matter how ugly they are, no matter how bad they hurt her too, no matter how outright bloody the fight is-she remains in the ring with me even taking punches for me! She’s not afraid to get dirty. I am safe to bleed all over her. When you are confident you have this kind of supernatural bond with someone, you feel free to dig in and face your fears. Because of her love and commitment, I slowly began to see how the Father saw me. I began to see who I was created to be and not what others showed me through rejection and abandonment. I saw the love of Christ through my sister, the commitment, sacrifice and risks she takes to sharpen me. And because I trust her, I am fully committed to repent of these insecurities and allow her to speak the truth in me, sharpening every edge and every part of me she sees dull. Often times, your best friend can see in you what you can’t see in yourself. That is why covenant is so important. This kind of trust does not happen in groups or fickle friendships. Where would I be right now if my sister had decided my baggage was too heavy for her the first time, the second time, the 10^th time? Where can we learn commitment without longevity? Where can we learn trust if someone runs scared of your past?

We as humans are influenced by the people we admire and respect, and those are usually the people we flock to, whether good or bad. We have to be careful who we are allowing in our circle, who we are allowing to influence us. There is a difference between influence and sharpening! Influence is when we pick up the other person’s traits and take them on as our own. Sharpening is when the other person encourages us by challenging us, as well as motivate our desires in alignment with the Word of God. The one sharpening needs to be stronger in faith in the area they are sharpening you, and in wisdom, discernment and understanding, otherwise you can easily be led astray! As with my sister and I, we have different strengths and weaknesses, allowing us to both sharpen each other! That constitutes for a healthy relationship. According to Missionary Reverend Mike Keys, “The stronger always prevails over the weaker,” that’s the way of life. Our spiritual identity is confirmed by comparison. Our desire is to be an asset for the Kingdom, not a liability and we need sharpening by another Christian influence we trust in order to be all God has called us to be! “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses,” Proverbs 27:5-6. Proverbs 13:20 says, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” And the famous scripture in 1 Corinthians 15:33 which states, “Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”

My sister and I are so thankful to have this bond that we have. We never let the sun go down without thanking God for this. It’s nothing we have ever experienced in our lives, yet something we both fight for every day. Whether I am doubting myself, backsliding on all the work we just overcame or struggling with internal insecurities, my sister can feel it also, and immediately jumps into prayer and vice versa. We always marvel in the fact that God has given us such an ability to be able to read each other’s hearts. I know when my sister is hurt or struggling and I have learned how to fight in the spirit on her behalf and sharpen her, as well. “Carry each other’s burdens and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ,” Galatians 6:2. We are called to edify and encourage one another and sometimes it’s not all the pretty words we like to hear. Often times sharpening is the exact opposite! It’s the secrets you hid, hoping no one would see. It’s the fears you were able to get by living with for so many years, that no one else called you out on. It’s those things that your sister, your best friend can come in and call out to you, but say “Hey, we’re going to fight these off together if it takes the rest of our lives!” And one of the many great benefits of this covenant is through the sharpening, you become shiny, confident, your beauty is unveiled and you are now empowered to go and live the calling and purposes God has for you! When we sharpen one another, we become more effective in carrying out the plans and purposes God has for our lives because the time is short and there is much to do! “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends,” John 15:12.

 

I remember when the movie Beaches came out in 1989. I was 12 and ½ years old and I must have watched it a million times, sobbing each and every time as if somehow the ending would be different the next time. What girl doesn’t watch that and dream about having a friendship like that? A Best Friend that truly sticks like glue through good, bad, life, death… I think I set a lot of people up for failure with that one, but the day came and so did the one, the Best Friend that made the movie look amateur!

As if the timing couldn’t be better, a 2017 remake! Now I am not one for remakes of any good movie, but I have to admit the diversity and more modern nuances peaked my interest. And who better to showcase these two backgrounds colliding under the Venice Beach sun than Nia Long and Idina Menzel? Let’s just say my sister (my Best Friend) and I watched the original Beaches for weeks leading up to the Lifetime premiere and even planned a Santa Monica Beach Day to celebrate the momentous occasion, boardwalk photo booth shots and all! We spent the earlier part of the day at The Grove in Los Angeles, walking around and goofing off at Dylan’s Candy Shop and then had lunch at the Farmer’s Market there. We swung by See’s Candy for some treats and even got some dessert for the beach. Next we headed over to Santa Monica Beach where we laid out a blanket and did what most people do, took a million selfies! We did sit wrapped in a blanket (it was a southern California freezing day of 69 degrees) talking, staring at the ocean and listening to Oceans by Hillsong United. It was truly one of our best sister days and something we will definitely make a usual trip!

Since we spent the day at the Beach, it was a couple days later before we got to sit and watch the new Beaches movie, and we did it with a box of tissue, some Sees Candy and chips and salsa of course! I’m sure it’s not a spoiler anymore, but in this version, Hillary dies in Cece’s arms! The tissues were on full force now and we definitely were not prepared for that surprise. I won’t go into a full-on review here, but we agreed that although the original version is a well deserved classic, this newer one showcased a more intimate friendship between Cece and Hillary that really leaned more on what my sister and I are all about- love, covenant, committment, loyalty. Obviously, as Christian women, there are a lot of differences in our friendship comparitevly to the film, but Beaches definitely tops our Bestie Movie List!

I (Vanessa) on the other hand had never seen the movie Beaches. I didn’t grow up watching girly/princess movies. However one thing my heart has always wondered was what would it be like to have a sister? To have someone to do all things girls do with? I only have two brothers. The thoughts of having a sister to share clothes with, secrets, laughs, tears, and even fights. I remember when I was pregnant with my third child and found out I was having a girl I thought, well at least my daughters will get to experience what I didn’t. Until one day God brought me a sister/best friend into my life and I no longer have to wonder anymore what it would be like. I have experienced so many first’s as a best friend/sister. One of them was getting to see Beaches for the very first time with her. Beaches is one of her all time favorite movies and now it has become one of mine. I have never seen a friendship between two women lived out like the one in Beaches until now that I have it. I have to  say our friendship supercedes the one portrayed in Beaches. It is definitely a gift from God and one I cherish deeply!

 

Love is a choice, not a feeling. Love is intentional. Love is purposeful. It is also a risk. Jesus risked as he was dying on the cross because He loved. He is love. He did it without knowing if anyone would choose Him. Love is allowing yourself to be vulnerable, to let walls come down. Love is scary when you put yourself out there in hopes of being chosen, that love will be the choice of the other person. Is love not worth the risk? Is love not worth the fight? What if Jesus allowed fear to stop Him? Jesus in the garden sweat drops of blood asking the Father if the cup could pass, but Jesus said, “not my will but yours.” Love won! He laid down His life for us. “No greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friend.”

Women carry the heart of the Father. We are all daughters, sisters, mothers and/or wives. Our hearts are relational like our Father’s. The men carry a different part of the Fathers heart and it isn’t their role to fight for relationships, but it’s the woman’s. We were created to fight for our relationships. We learn early on that it’s natural to fight for our marriages and our children, but many of us never learn that friendship relationships are just as important to God to fight for. If we as women can begin to understand the very depths we were created with for relationships, our world would look completely different.

We are to be women of great wonder and awe. We as women have been told we’re complicated. Could that be because the world has not been able to describe women? We carry a depth within us that is vast. “Our friendships flow in the deep waters of the heart where God dwells and transformation takes place. It is here, in this holy place, woman can partner with God impacting and be impacted by another for lasting good. It is here that she can mother, nurture, encourage and call forth life,” says Stasi Eldredge in Captivating.

Eldredge goes on to say, “God endows Woman with certain qualities that are essential to relationship, qualities that speak of God. She is inviting.” Are we inviting as women? Are we drawing people to ourselves? When we draw people, we should be drawing them to the Father’s heart. However, the enemy has wounded us from the very beginning. God is restoring the woman heart, though right here and now!

Many people ask my sister and I “How does this kind of friendship/bond look?” God has blessed us with something truly miraculous that we don’t take for granted for a moment. It’s a friendship you can’t really manufacture. It’s one of those things that happens organically solely by the Spirit of God. And He has asked us to open up our own relationship for other’s to see what He has ordained for us to be. We always try to be as transparent as we can, sharing the good and the bad, so here is a peak into our daily lives as sisters. As we have already said in previous blogs, we are fully committed, willing to sacrifice, risk and lay our lives down for one another.

We learned early on that commitment wasn’t practiced when we were out having fun together or watching movies on the couch. Commitment came when we realized God put two completely different people together (Much like a marriage). Two people that communicate differently, talk and act differently, love differently and receive love differently. Two people with opposite fears and insecurities and even different ways of handling conflict. Commitment came when we instantly chose to love each other more than any attack that could come our way, no matter how long it took to get through! We have had times where we rubbed each other the wrong way and had to tell each other things we didn’t want to. But the difference with us when it comes to telling the other one something they may not want to hear about themselves, is it truly hurts the one having to tell as much as the one having to receive it. We carry each other’s hurts purposefully. Our love for one another is so supernatural, that we trust the other enough with the corrections they are giving to listen, talk openly and resolve the issue. We have definitely created a safe place for each other that most relationships lack. This kind of friendship has to stem from a place where both parties feel they can be open and safe with the other person. You feel safe to be yourself without apologies. It’s about loyalty. I know that whether I am right or wrong, my sister will cover me. I know she can see the ugliest places of my heart no one else sees, we can bleed all over each other and we remain committed to sticking it out together no matter what! You will not always agree with your best friend or sister, but when you KNOW that you know that you have that bond and that person has your back, the rest is easy! If you only knew the conflicts we have come through because we CHOSE to love through them and grow closer, rather than apart.

We are not able to do this on our own accord. We are still human and have tendencies to run away from each other and let our fears or laziness of resolution come before our friendship, but there is something we made a commitment to do together daily that covers us through it all, and that’s praying together. We actually began doing this because we reached a point where we had become comfortable in our friendship and weren’t praying together like we should have and boy did we see a difference. When we just skipped a day and then two and then several, we struggled with getting along; we were attacked in bad dreams, thoughts and were just off. Isn’t that just like God and us? When we aren’t praying and seeking Him, we can become disconnected too. So, from that moment on, we agreed that we have to be in prayer. We pray for each other, our families, women, our husbands, our church and protection of our friendship. We place a very high value on our friendship/sisterhood and always remain humble and aware that the enemy will try and divide.

We are still human and have our struggles and disagreements. We have times where we don’t see eye to eye. We have moments where we want to just walk away and not deal with conflict. But we never allow walking away from each other an option. And we’ve pushed through some hard times, none worth losing each other over. We work at listening to the others feelings and allowing them to feel validated and appreciated. We fight fair. We never throw the past or negative thoughts in each other’s faces. We are bold, though and do speak the truth to each other in love.  Because we trust each other, we are able to receive it, even when it’s hard. We cry it out sometimes when we don’t know what to do, and we always stick together until it’s worked out.

Something else my sister and I do is journal. We journal our feelings and seek God, asking Him to intervene. We share a journal apart from our own personal journals. We each have the journal for a few days or week or some time and we write to God, to each other and share our most raw emotions safely. We take turns writing all our highs and lows. We then pass it back to the other, read what our sister wrote and take it from there. We’ve been doing this for a few months now and committed to doing this forever. It also allows us to go even deeper and share certain things in our hearts that may be harder to say. We already love to look back on how far we have come and actually see that in our hardest moments, we always make it through, continuing to grow deeper with every victory! This is why it’s so hard for us to see why a majority of relationships today don’t work. It’s usually stemming from disagreements that snowball into something more unmanageable. One person doesn’t feel like working it out or has fallen out of love or whatever the situation may be. But we realized that love is a choice. When we don’t feel like working it out and we want to go back to the ways of the world and walk away, we actually hold onto God tighter and each other. There have been times where my sister and I are completely disagreeing and can get very frustrated with each other and want to literally get up and leave. (Remember, we do not communicate or receive things in the same way, but it’s our constant CHOICE to resolve, learn and grow.) We actually grab each other’s hand and finish our “fight” literally holding hands and refuse to let go until it is resolved.

My sister and I talk to each other every day, or at least text if there’s a day we can’t talk. We pray, talk about our lives, our families, our plans, etc. It’s not always deep. We can laugh at the dumbest things that no one else would probably get. We also committed to a set day once a week that is just our sister day and we don’t make other plans that day. We may go do something fun, run errands or just sit at home watching movies and talking, but it’s our day. We don’t do things the way the world does in friendships. This may not be how other friendships look, but it’s how ours looks. Some may think this is way too time consuming, way too complicated, way too much for a friendship. But my sister and I wouldn’t have it any other way. We see the blessings we reap from this sacrificial commitment. Blessings on our marriages, our families and the mission God has invited us to journey on together, and it is worth the judgment we may get. Knowing someone has your back, right or wrong, through life and death, you are empowered to change the world because if you fall, your sister is there to catch you! This is all new for us, too. We have never seen this displayed in our lives, but God gives us new revelation, new depth and new insight into the secrets and mysteries of His Word daily and the transformation He is calling for His women this generation to step up to. Our intimacy, passion and heart for one another is one that doesn’t come without a fierce fight! And my sister and I suited up and waged war for each other’s hearts, which is a story for another blog! This kind of friendship may come once in a lifetime if you’re lucky! Rarely do you see two powerful female-centric roles collaborating to do life this close, but like most, my sister and I were on our own individual journeys in life when God interrupted us and brought us together. We each possessed something the other needed to continue. We pray you will begin to see what God is doing in the hearts of women and our relationships because we believe we will play a vital role in what God is doing in the last days restoring sisterhood back.